Good evening everybody. I’d like to welcome everybody to the reception for Erica Davis and Kevin Klein. Let’s have a round of applause for Erica and Kevin! And lets have a round of applause for Mr. and Mrs. Davis and Mr. and Mrs. Klein!

My name is Bob Masterson, and I’m the best man. Some of you are looking at me like “Why in the heck did Kevin choose that guy to be best man?” And that’s a fair question. The answer is pretty simple. He lost a bet we made watching TV the other night… it turns out that I AM smarter than a 5th grader! Especially when I cheat. Who’s laughing now, Kevin? Do you want to go double or nothing?

Actually, Kevin and I have been friends since college. We were both engineering majors, and we met the first day of junior year. We were taking thermodynamics, which is a pretty hard class, and to top it off, we had the hardest professor. He had a difficult-to-understand eastern European accent. Kevin, what was his name? It started with a D, right? Drah-something? Right! Professor Dracula. He loved to make students look dumb. Professor Dracula drew a graph on the board and asked the class what it was. Well none of us knew anything on the first day. But the professor wouldn’t move on until someone tried to answer. Kevin raised his hand, and then Kevin told him exactly what the graph was. The professor was surprised, and he told Kevin to come to the board to write the equation. Kevin walked up and cocked his head to the side, and he started to write some numbers and letters, but he was obviously having trouble. Maybe he was still tired from his all-night Bible study class. So the Professor barked “How can you know what the graph is if you can’t even write the equation?” Kevin looked at Dracula, and said “I don’t know, I guess because I flunked this class last semester.” And that’s when I knew two things: number one, I wanted to party with that guy! And number two, I wanted to study with somebody else!

Kevin, we passed that final exam that semester. And by the big smile on that beautiful wife of yours, we all know you’ve passed much more important exams.

It is truly my honor to stand here in support of these two. This was a beautiful wedding. The bridesmaids are all just beautiful, and I know that they did a lot of hard work helping with the decorations today, so let’s thank them for that. And all the groomsmen did a great job of not getting arrested or setting anything on fire. So let’s thank them for that. Certainly, thanks to all of you for coming out in support of our couple.

You know Erica, as great a guy as Kevin is; I know you have improved him. I remember when Kevin first introduced us. You had been dating for a year, and I had heard all these wonderful things, and of course when I met you I knew they were all true. But on that day when we met, I’ll never forget that after you went to talk to Madalyn, my wife, I was alone with Kevin and I said off-handedly, “Well, you two look happy.” And Kevin just smiled and looked at me and said “Bob, when I’m around her, I never want to leave. She is always looking out for me. I’m going to marry that woman.” And I thought to myself that I had never seen someone look so happy and so serious at the same time. I can’t congratulate you enough.

Alright, enough of this mushy stuff. We’re in for a fun evening! We’ve got a great DJ over here who’s ready to go with all sorts of music to make fools of ourselves to, a little bit later on we’re going to be throwing a bouquet and a garter. But first, let’s all raise a glass to Kevin and Erica. May your home be a warm place of comfort, and may your love always brighten the lives of those around you. Congratulations!